“I want to learn humility” he told me.
October 5, 2009, 7:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized


What will you do ?

I’ll take the trip.


Yes, I’ve had it up to here with being in charge, and being the ‘lord of the manor’.

Ok, so what’s your plan ?

Ah… listen to this it’s abeauty ! I’m going to put all the arrogance I can find within myself and take it with me to the next incarnation. I’ll get myself born into a rich family, and I’m going to walk all over the servants, making them clean up after me, really showning them who is boss.

Then we are going to lose it all. I will have to do all the shit work I made the servants do. One of the servants, will be the one to give me a job and employ me – it’s the only way I’ll be able to feed myself and my family.

Ouch. Sure you can handle that ?

Yea sure.

Well you’ll have to get it past the incarnation board and the dispatching council you know.

I know, I’ll get it through. Speaking of that, I’ll need a rescue and stand be team in case the s*** really hits the fan. Can I ask you to be there for me ?

Yea, I’ll do it, remember you got me out a few times.

Aw..that was ok don’t mention it.You didn’t need much help, just a bit of a hand every now and then.

Yea, well, just don’t be too hard on yourself.   What’s your come back plan ?

If I get through it all, there is a chance I can get my whole family back to where we where before, and a bit more. But only if I really get the message, learn the lesson.

Hm… sounds like a good outline. Just don’t be too tough on yourself mate, you can take two lifetimes you, know, you don’t have to do it all in ONE. 🙂

ha ha ha … sounds like the next one will have to be about patience and knowing my limits…



May 18, 2009, 8:01 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

this is just to verify Google webmaster tracking

Pre-incarntion interview 1 – Tales from the Bardo
April 21, 2009, 8:02 pm
Filed under: Conversations - interview 1


Jacintha was on her way home, when she saw a young woman sitting by the by the side of the road. Her eyes were dull and empty.

She looked like a being who had lost her soul.

“Where do you want go to? It’s getting dark now.” Jacintha asked her.
The girl replied, “I don’t have a home. I don’t have anywhere I belong to anymore.”
Jacintha took the girl’s hand, “come with me to Madame’s place and stay the night. It’s dangerous to be alone outside.”

They had to walk up a long winding path until they reached an huge manor house, at the top of the mountain ridge overlooking the Sisovane desert. Once inside they took off their shoes.

Instead of doors the house had layers of red curtains with  Burmese floral patterns.

Madame Pickwick parted the last of the thick velvet curtains and motioned for her visitor to enter.
At the far end of a huge hall they saw a lady sitting on an armchair looking out over a desert from the .
She looked calm as a monk.

She was sipping rose tea.

“Madame, we have a visitor,” Jacintha called out.
“Hello Hella, I had a feeling that Jacintha would bring a visitor today,” Madame replied.
“How do you know my name?”
“I just feel it when I look at your pearl necklace.”

“So what can I do for you ?” Madame Pickwick asked once they had settled down comfortably.

“Well you see, I’m not sure. I feel lost”

“You are not sure about what ?”

“Where I want to go and what I want to tackle first.”

“Let me have a look dear – may I ?”

Hella held out her hand, a small translucent pearl shimmered on her palm. It was the quintessential essence of her last incarnation. She had not yet strung it to her necklace.

If you looked into its depths carefully you could see a swirling movement of different colours and feelings inside. And if you looked for too long you could forget where you were and you would relive and experience the history of Hella’s last incarnation.

Madame Pickwick cast her mind over the pearl.

She avoided the heavy pull of the trauma vortices with practiced ease.

Her experienced mind saw that there were quite a few things in Hella’s life structure that needed attending to.

She sighed inwardly, careful to keep her private feelings from spilling over and registering on her visitor.

She had a gut feeling that this one would be a tough one. ‘I don’t know why though’, she thought.

How to break it to Hella gently though ?

Well, Madame Pickwick sighed again, that was her job after all, wasn’t it ? To advise souls how to structure their next incarnation in the best way.

She wondered if it might not be time she visited someone else for that kind of thing herself, she felt those little niggly tell tale signs within herself.

With an effort she focussed her attention back on Hella.

Time to carefully evaluate Hella’s last incarnation.

She placed the pearl gently on a tripod made of an alloy of gold and quicksilver, took out her magnifier and let her consciousness dive into it.

Diving inside anyone’s lifetime pearl always entailed some danger. There was no way to avoid that.

The trick to lifetime pearl diving was to keep one’s awareness outside the pearl even while moving around inside it. Some of the inexperienced life time dispatchers had lost themselves in their others’ lifetime pearls. It was a hell of a job to get them back in once piece. Once they did, they would have their licence suspended until they had done more training and a few more incarnations themselves.

Messy, not something she wanted to go through right now right now.

Once inside, Hellas lifetime was not especially difficult.

She was pleased to see that Hella had completed nearly all the basics, lessons. She has a good solid foundation, for the next  ones.

Providing advice on incarnations followed the three basic steps of

1)      reconnaissance

2)      unravelling

3)      presenting “the menu”.

Each stage required a different talent.

Reconnaissance was easy in Hella’s case. The unravelling was the challenge.

Unravelling was a little like unravelling a knotted ball of wool.

Luckily she had always enjoyed untangling knots as a child. It was the reason she’d been careful to include weaving and dressmaking in all her own incarnations whenever possible. After all, she might as well prepare for her job back here, too many souls were focussed on the next world, on incarnation in a physical body, – forgetting the here and now.

Personally she thought it was overrated. Incarnation was damn hard work, she knew that, no point to rush too much. Madame Pickwick was proud of her ability to provide balanced advice. Better to spend a little more time researching and finding the right incarnation, than to rush off to something you didn’t really want to be in.

One carefully planned and thought out incarnation is worth 10 rush jobs – she always said.

‘But then that is my job’, she thought, I’m bound to be a little biased, she chuckled to herself.

“What do you see ?” Hella asked.

Madame held up a hand, asking her to wait. She was concentrating deeply. Pearl diving and keeping an anchor on the outside was hard enough, but communicating at the same time, was a bit too much.

Hella settled back and waited.

Once Madame Pickwick was done, she looked at her visitor.

“Ok, I’ve had a good look around. What I’ll do now…”

“I know, I know, you’ll present me with a menu and some recommendations.”

Madame nodded, “yes.”

“I know this is silly, but I really just want to meet Justin again. Just show me the bits that get me back with him.”

‘Ah, so this was it, that was what her gut feeling had told her to beware of,’ Madame Pickwick took a deep breath and sat back, sipping on hot tea.

“Like that is it ?”

“Yes,” Hella nodded vigorously, “I just want to be with him again.”

Madame took another deep breath, without taking her eyes off Hella.

“You know the rules of course ?”

“Yes, of course I know the rules,” she looked across at Madame Pickwick, “that’s why I came to you, because I want you to help me get this through the IB.”

“I see,” Madame Pickwick smiled, and nodded in understanding. The IB was the Incarnation Board, they would ask tough questions and they were known to put their foot down and stop you if didn’t manage to convince them, or if you had taken on way too much to handle.

“Have you looked at the menu with anyone yet ?”

“No, you are the first.”

‘So, she plans to try others until she gets what she thinks she wants,’ Madame thought.

“Well that is always the first step, no matter what else you want to do,” she said, turning aside to  pull up a screen.

Once the screen was in place she projected her impressions onto it, showing the labyrinth of Hella’s pearl as a simplified map, with as many paths unravelled as possible.

Hella watched and studied the map.

“Could you show it from the side please,” she asked, pointing to her right.

“Sure,” Madame Pickwick had pretty much taken in all of Hella’s life and she projected it from the angle outsiders such as Justin would have seen it from.

…..to be continued…. Stay tuned for the next instalment…. J

A place where money cannot live
April 10, 2009, 8:29 pm
Filed under: Conversations, Conversations2, Uncategorized | Tags: ,


Madame Pickwick looked out over the rocky ledge of her quarters.

Sand stretched into the distance as far as the eye could see.

The atmosphere in Zephyron was flimsy, so thin in fact, that it was possible to observe the other planets of the solar system. Huge round spheres floated past at regular intervals.

“This is my friend Ulla, she is here with me to ask something of you Madame.”

“Ask.” Madame Pickwick looked at the outline of the person standing next to Siri.

“Am I dreaming ?”

“You are, but you are dreaming true.”

“I would like to have a child. I have sought to have child but I have never fallen pregnant. Can you help ?”

“I may help, if it is permitted, and if you are willing to pay the price.”

“What shall I pay you with ?

You don’t use money do you ?”

“No we don’t have any use for such things.”

“How then shall I pay for you help ?”

“What can you offer in exchange ?”

“I do not understand, Ulla replied.”

“Then you are wise, child. As in your world, here we also value work, we value service. Only we do not measure it in time, nor do we use numbers to place a value on service, for how you can you measure that which is given from the heart ?”

She smiled at Ulla.

“Don’t worry my child.

We only take what is offered in love, and offered freely.

You know enough to understand that an exchange is required in all things.”

At this point Madame Pickwick left the room.

She returned after a while and smiled at Ulla.

It is permitted, though it remains to be seen if you are willing and able to pay the price, she said.

Ulla waited and said nothing. She looked out over the desert.

“What do you want to offer in exchange ?” the Madame asked.

Ulla thought for a while.

“What do people usually give ?”

“There is NO ‘usual’, it depends what you would LIKE to exchange. The greater the gift, the greater the exchange.”

Madame poured tea into tiny cups for each of them.

“In your world, you feel that giving diminishes you and you want to give as little as you can and get as much as you can.”

Siri smiled and looked at Ulla.

Ulla looked at her friend.

“You are right,” she said.

“You told me things were different here.”

The Madame nodded at them and gestured for them to feel free to drink.

“You can give as little or as much as you like, my child. We will not think less of thee for giving little, nor more of thee for giving much. It beeth thine heart that thou dealeth with.”

Ulla hesitated, “I am curious, do some people give nothing ?”

” ‘Curiousity’ I cannot answer, however should it be thine true question you may obtain a reply.”

Ulla shook her head.

“It does not matter then,” she said.

Siri and Madame Pickwick looked at each other and smiled.

In a small hesitant voice Ulla asked: “Do I have to loose an eye, or a leg in exchange ?”

“No my child, unless this is what you truly believe and want.

You may even give in exchange that which would be called ‘success’ in your world.”

“‘Success’ can be a payment ? I mean a fair exchange ?”

“And too much money can be a punishment,” Madame added.

Ulla shook her head in puzzlement.

“What if I choose success, how can that be a fair exchange ?”

Now Madame Pickwick in her turn shook her head slowly and stood up. She put hand on Ulla’s shoulder and walked with her to the very edge of the cliff.

They looked down. It was a long long way to the bottom, so far that the rocks looked blurred. The Madame picked up a small rock and threw it down. Soon it was lost to sight. They waited. Eventually a tiny dry clicking sound reached them.

“Are you afraid ?” Madame asked Ulla ?


“Why not ?”

“I feel I am safe.”

“Even at the very edge of this precipice ?”


“You feel you are safe, and you are safe, because you have not asked ‘what if ?’. You do not ask ‘what if I should fall ?’ or ‘what if I should be pushed ?’.  You see, I do not answer ‘what if’ questions here.

‘What if’ leads to fear, and wastes energy.

There is a never ending infinite supply of ‘what if’s’. If you truly desire to know then give a fair exchange and find out for yourself.

Then you WILL know what happens if the ‘what if’ becomes the ‘what is’.”

Siri spoke then, “it is time to return, in her world she awakens.”

Madame Pickwick walked back to the table and sat in her chair. “I will see thee again, then we will talk more of thine request and its exchange. Take thine time my dear child.”

They bowed and Madame returned the bow in kind.

“A most interesting child,” she murmured to herself when they had disappeared.


A few nights later Siri and Ulla returned again.

“May I ask you something ?” Ulla said.

“Certainly”, Madame Pickwick gestured for them to sit down and poured tea for all three of them.

“In exchange for a child, I would like to give ten years of my life.”

The Madame looked at her and continued sipping her tea.

“Siri, would you please explain ?”

Siri looked surprised but then spoke: “You are thinking of a punishing sacrifice. We don’t want to accept that from you. Can I suggest something else ?”

Ulla nodded.

“You could give, your time to raise the child in love and care, and you could give all resentment and unhappiness in sacrifice.”

Now Ulla looked surprised. “How can joy and contentment be a sacrifice ? A sacrifice should be something pleasant I give up, and something unpleasant I accept.”

“It may be those things, at some part of a person’s development. For you, this is something to leave behind.”

“But joy and love and a job well done as a sacrifice ?” Ulla shook her head in astonishment.

“You may have to give up a career, you may have to give up resentment and anger.”

the hero I am and the hero I wanted to be – conversations with MmeP
February 27, 2009, 2:43 am
Filed under: Conversations, Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

H: I never thought my life would turn out this way !

MmeP: how ?

H: I’m passionate about things I would have thought deadly boring only a few years ago.

MmeP: such as …. ?

H: I fight the City Water company because they expect my block of flats to pay for repairs to a water pipe that is actually their responsibility. The others and I fight for that, for commonsense and fairness. We fight the bureaucratic bullshit used to justify a legal loophole.

MmeP: I see you DO feel strongly about that.

H: If you had told me 10 years ago I would fight for such things I would have laughed at you. Now I’m in the middle of the battle.

MmeP: and what did you imagine ?

H: I imagined that I would save the world, not one water pipe at a time, not one block of flats at a time, that is far too boring and pedestrian…

I imagined I would do great and magnificent things, rescue damsels in distress, at the last second, inches before they hit the asphalt ! Or cure millions, or invent propulsion-less space flight, or ….. or … or …. .
They would show they gratitude and I’d walk off and say ‘oh it was nothing’ but secretly I would have wanted to large crowds to witness the whole scene and admire me for it.
I don’t what famous wit said something along the lines of: “There is nothing as sweet as a secret good deed accidentally revealed.” Very true, that way I get it both ways, the modesty and then my good is revealed without my doing it.

MmeP: I have also harboured thoughts such as these 🙂

H: I guess that is what’s called ‘maturity’- moving on from there.

MmeP: perhaps. But don’t forget there is more to life then fighting Water Companies, there really ARE great things to DO ! Perhaps not exactly as you described but who knows… !

One of the ladies entered at this point with a message for Madame and a fresh pot of tea. She read the note and poured some more tea, then turned back to the conversation.

MmeP: Don’t throw out your dreams too quickly my friend. There is something worth keeping, and I believe it is waiting for you after the Water Company battles.

It was time to meet the evenings clientele. Madame gathered her clothes and departed, accompanied by the swish of cloth and the smell of new tatami.


Madame Pickwick’s- lifetime despatcher agency

Welcome to Madame’s official home.

Before you make that leap into physical life, sit back with a cup of hot tea and have a chat with Madame.

Our associates have first hand experience. All of them were chosen by Madame herself, and like their mistress they have ‘been there and done that’.

Our agency specializes in Gaian sojourns, though we also cater for other less exotic and perhaps less onerous destinations, just ask one of Madame’s associates.

Visit Madame Pickwick’s for advice and pre-departure information anytime.


About MmePickwick.

“A thing may be too sad to be believed or too wicked to be believed or too good to be believed; but it cannot be too absurd to be believed in this planet of frogs and elephants, of crocodiles and cuttle-fish.”

– Maycock, The Man Who Was Orthodox – GK Chesterton

At Madame Pickwick’s you may find handy hints and tips that can make your sojourn on Gaia just that bit more valuable and pleasant.

Souls come to us for many reasons:

before going to eat from the tree of knowledge….

To know an energy one one must first become it -The Ancients

…to KNOW is to experience , to experience is to KNOW.

…and many other profound sayings…  🙂

Mme Pickwick hast been known in many shapes, forms and guises in her Gaian travels.

She has seen it all, done it all, gained it all and lost it all. She is back to tell the tale, share her wisdom, and provide simple training for those embarking on new adventures.

Many ask us whence did the honorific title “Madame” come from ?

It beeth a title of honour and respect bestowed upon her by those she cared and protected most. It stemmeth from her incarnation as the Madame of what was commonly called “a House of Ill repute” or “Un Bordello” as  the French refer to it.

Even now in certain quarters she beeth remembered and called upon to give aid to those working for the pleasures of the flesh in the darkest hours of the night.


Madame is happy to pass on some of the knowledge and experience she gathered over many lifetimes.



The Appointment

He told me: “It’s one of those things. One day you just get sick of the peace and quiet, sick of the gentle lapping of waves and the niceness all around you. “

Hard to say why they do it, but they just go off in search of adventure, suddenly without any warning, they just do it.

George, just left one day to the next.
Saw the ad on the ethernet and off he went.
“You sure ?”, I asked him at the time.
“Yea, this is what I’ve been missing too”, he told me.
“You been missing it ? but you only just saw the ad.”
“Well, once I saw it, I knew this was for me”.
“But why ?”
“I don’t know”, he shrugged his shoulders, “I just want to go”.
Well fair enough I guess.
“But here you got it all”, I told him, “no disease, illness, no money problems”.
“That’s probably why”.
“Huh ?”,
“Well I could go and do this for a few more eons, and gradually I’d move along and learn more stuff. But to be honest, I just need this now !”.

“Will they take you ?”
He nodded, “I’m pretty sure”.
“Hm…. Ok, but you know what happened last time – remember ?”
“Yea, yea, I know. I kinda wimped out on all the tough bits”.
“And you told me ‘never again’, remember ?”
“I remember”, he laughed at me, “but don’t they all say that when they get back, especially recently ?”.
“Well yea, most of them do”, I admitted, “but not all of them”.
“Exactly, and I mean to be one of those who don’t”, he smiled a challenge at me.
Recently I had been doing a bit of volunteer work, in the returned souls temple and had seen some horrific stuff, but there was no point in freaking him out.

“Wow, you’re serious !”. I was surprised at his determination, “I thought it was a whim, a spur of the moment idea”.
“NO ! – been thinking of this for a long time. There’s a lot I want to do differently, but I won’t know if I can, till I go down”.

“Mind if I come along to see you off ?” I asked him.
“Be my guest, would be good to have you there, help me choose”. 😉
“What ? You haven’t chosen yet ?”
“No not yet”.

So we went for the departure hall.
The place was incredibly busy. There was an incarnation leaving every few seconds. Most of them to places I’d never consider myself, but then incarnations have never really been my thing. I’m a homebody.

Everything was grouped nice and neatly into the usual destinations:
There were lots of the usual ‘learn to love yourself’ and ‘love others first’ lifetimes. Lots of those.  And of course there were the usual ‘forgive and then prosper’ lessons, embedded in all shapes and flavours. To suit your palate, you could mix in drug and illnesses as required at no extra charge.

But there were different offers on the board as well. It was hard not to feel tempted reading some of them. I saw one about a brilliant career in music.  Very tempting ! I’d always loved music.  But once I read the fine print and noticed the provisions for possible suicide… drugs and a tempestuous marriage it didn’t sound very inviting any more. But as they say, it takes all types, someone would take it, but not me.

George, he pretty well knew what he wanted, something that would let him try out what he’d been practicing up on his mountaintop by the lake.
“I don’t want a cushy life, he told me, I got that here. I need to go where I’ll really feel the pinch, somewhere totally different from here.”
“You had that last time”, I reminded him, “too much of it”.
“Yep, and I want it again, need to get it right. But I learnt something you know”, he looked at me.
“Well that was the whole point I’d have thought”.
“It is smarty pants”, he poked me, “but I mean I learnt about what kind of overall lifetime mix is best for me”.
“Uhu, and that is ?”

“I need to come up for breathers. So I built in lots of little side trips, to gimme a chance to recover. But”, he held my eye, “they’ve got to be short”, just a short breather, and sometimes a longer one…”
“you talk like you’re baking a cake”, I commented.
“its kinda  like that”.
“And I can just see you come back and complain about all those side trips and….  what did you call them things again ?”
“yea, them, – how they distracted you and stopped you settling down blah blah blah… “
“I won’t”, he said.
“We’ll see. Why don’t you take a standard off the shelf lifetime and be done with it ?”
He gave me a disdainful look and said nothing.
“Fine, up to you, just don’t complain when you get back”, I told him.
“I don’t see anything on the boards here that you might want”.
“Of course it’s never going to be exactly right ! But the trick is to know your favourite mix, then you’ll recognize it when it comes up, – or something close enough to it anyway”.

“Ok so what is your ‘mix’ dear ?” I rolled my eyes at him, “other than those ‘sidetrips and BREATHERS ?”
“Here”, her pulled out a piece of paper with diagrams on it.
“See the early childhood part ? It’s full-on poverty in a huge family”.
I looked at him with raised eyebrows.
“I wanna lick  this whingeing and preciousness in me, its giving me the shits.”, he answered by way of explanation.
“Ok”, I turned away to hide a smile. I was glad he’d finally decided to deal with that, it was giving me the shits too, not that I’d ever tell him that.
“And this  bit, about losing a leg in an accident on the motorbike ?”, I asked him.
“Well if you look carefully my dearest”, he raised his eyebrows at me in turn, “you’ll notice that there are a few other paths”, he traced the lines on the paper, “and only if nothing else works, then in the last one here, he loses a leg !
It’s there in case I don’t get the message with these other ones”.
“Ok, I see, so a graded kind of ‘listen to your intuition’ lesson stuck in there ?”.
He nodded.
“You realize this is YOURSELF you’re talking about don’t you? Not some character in a book”.
He nodded again.
“I hope you do”, I slapped his shoulder.

“And what’s this bit with Miyanthea here ? Why put her in there ? did you talk to her about this ?”
“Did I talk to her about it ?”, he looked offended.
“Do you think I don’t know the rules ? Of course I asked her, she wants to do it.”
“But why bother, you got her coming in for six months in a full-on romance and then  bang !nothing ! it’s all over rover !“.

“Ah”, he grinned at me, saying nothing for a while. “See this here ? I need that to soften me up for that one here”, he pointed to age 40, “, about 20 years later, absolutely crucial that one. All part of me plan you see”.
“Ok, ok, well don’t be too clever by half”, I looked him in the eye, “like last time”.

“Naw, I got it figured out a bit more now”.
“Well good luck, I’ll be watching”.

“Hm….”, he looked at me then with that LOOK of his and I knew what he was thinking.
“Oh no you don’t !, No way !”, I held up my hands and was going to leave the hall, “not again. Last time I had a hell of a job to get you back here”.

“Well I got someone for that already, don’t worry its not you”, he put a hand on my shoulder.
“So ?”, I knew that something was still up, he still had something he wanted from me.
“If you would just keep an eye on me when I’m down there. You see this”, and he drew his finger along the 28 to 37 year period, “if you could just do the inspirational stuff you’re so damn good at ? Just for a few years ?”.

He looked at me with that handsome winning smile of his.
I shook my head, “Sorry no can do. Would love to, but I’ve actually promised to go down a bit before that time myself”.
It was my turn to grin at him and enjoy his surprise.
“Really ?, you didn’t say anything about that.”
“Well you never asked dearest ! And to be honest, I’m still thinking about it, but I’ve been talking to Mirna and Joss, they want to work on a few things, and we were good in setting up a classroom last time”.
“Come on, lets check the board, you gotta go soon”, I reminded him.
I didn’t want to go into it too much detail with him and walked him to the big doors.

We scanned the departing incarnations.
“Here’s one”, I told him:
“Early childhood, poverty, but happy happy large family. Death of brother, … – oh, but  it’s it’s up in that cold place, you wanna do cold again this time round ?”, I asked him.
“Naw not keen on that, enough from last time. Look for a warmer place”.

We kept looking.
“Here is one in the tropics !” I pointed to the list and we read the details.
“But do you really want to get into all that sexual stuff like you did last time ?”.
“Humm.. yea, you’re right, I might lay off that, enough other stuff going on”, he agreed.
“Seems like all the warm places got all sorts of other crap”, I said.

“Your attention please !” the loudspeaker announced, “due to an unforseen complication we have a space for an incarnation in Madagascar. Birth is part of triplets, will grow up in Europe, chance for great artistic expression. Please contact our ground staff at the Aijuss counter for more details. You must have done at least three previous incarnations”.
“Hey that might be good for you”, I told him.
“Yea, let’s take a look”, and he almost dragged me along.

….. ….. …..

“Well my dearest Mary”, he told me, “love you, but it’s time to go”.
“Bye”, I told him without much fuss and watched him go.
Then when he was almost gone, almost totally beamed down, I called out to him,
“By the way, I might see you there – keep an eye out around 28 to 37 ha ha ha”.
I timed it right at the very end, so he didn’t have a chance to ask me any questions he he he !
That was my little secret.
My little surprise.



Heiko Rudolph, Princes Hill
‘Reflections of Life from a Monastery Garden’
– The memories of a Monk.